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Featured Story, Week of December 16, 2018: "Jonas Sees The Light"

Each week we feature a story written by one or two of our group members at our weekly meetings. For this week's featured stories, we did 20 minute writing of a First Person Exercise, choosing from one of these prompts:

1) Hunting, you find you're hunted

2) Doing chores, there's a bright light

3) Stumbled onto a new invention

4) Step out to find all people are gone

5) Ask you to get on a stage

6) Explorer sending first message home


By Erik Engman

Okay. Now I know what y'all are prob'ly gonna think of me when I tell you this here anecdote. That I'm all crazy and deranged. Heck, I know some of y'all been thinkin' that all along, ever since that incident between me n' the ol' lady who steals people's shoes from their front porches. But I stand my my actions there. There's no way that lady can comfortably wear a size 10 men's shoe.

But this here is as different as Pecan Pie from the Pocanos.

I dun seen God.

Now hear me out, hear me out! I know. I know it sounds like I drank cactus juice and forgot to lop of the top of the cactus. But lemme tell you the occurance ... the MIRACLE ... and you make up that there mind of yours fer yourself.

Last Monday, the day after the town had been churching and all, Ol; Pastor Brown brought me in to mop up the ol' vestry in back of St. Augustine's. They had left it real dirty. I don't know what craziness them priests get up to back-a there before the Sunday services. Whenever I found myself in one of them pews on a Sunday morning I was bored to the point o' tears and nursin' a hell of a hangover. But I been puttin' a lot of thought into it, and I reckon the priests come out all docile-like because they dun just had a hootin' heck of a good time out back what with all that holy water and wine. Maybe that's the kind of thing they do in them there priest schools they dun gone to. I dunno. All's I know is that I had to clean it up afters.

So there I was, a cleanin' and a polishin', and I come across this little glass vial of wine left over from the previous days services, and me, being the overly conscientious person that I am, decided that this here wine should not be wasted. So I made the sign of the cross in respect to Lord God Almighty, and drank it all down in one gulp. T'was not bad for what was supposed to be the blood of our lord and savior, but to be fair, ol' One-Eyed Charlie's moonshine was better by a mile. Well, those priests must have been really in a festive mood, because lo and behold I found another one of them vials o' wine. So, in accordance to my duty, I drank that one up too.

And, gol darn, wouldn't you believe it, as I cleaned I found even more vials. One right after another. You know that story of the bread and fishes? How Jesus took like a piece of crust and a can o' tuna and fed like a million people? Well, this was like that. As you all know I don't drink much. No, no really, I don't. But as this was provided by divine providence, I felt I had to oblige. I woun't go so far as to say this was a miracle, but I were them priests I would call down the big-wig priests from the city to investigate. But that wasn't even the important part! Lemme tell you how I became one of God's chosen...

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